PC03: Television Credit Sequences

Today, I was thinking about how I'm the only person I know who wants to see the A-Team movie this summer. In my mind, I ran through the reasons everyone should want to:

1. Liam Neeson.
2. Sharlto Copley.
3. Bradley Cooper.

And, perhaps most importantly...

4. The A-Team's theme song.

From there, my mind moved on to the importance of a quality credit sequence for any given television program. Quickly, I assembled mental lists of what I consider to be the best and worst opening sequences in television, and here, I have transcribed them for you.

First, let's go with the best.

1. Parks and Recreation. I think Parks and Rec is the low point of the NBC Thursday night line-up. This is hardly its own fault, as Community is flawless for being so new and both The Office and 30 Rock are future classics. Fortunately for Parks and Rec, this season is improving, and if nothing else, it has the catchiest theme on television. It's the one song that gets stuck in my head that doesn't bother me at all.
2. How I Met Your Mother. Brevity is important (although perhaps not as important as the creators of the Lost "credit sequence" believe). So is catchiness. And so are attractive people. That said, HIMYM's opener is something I sing along with every time I watch the show, and I can't make that claim about anything else. Ba, ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba...
3. Invader Zim. We used to watch this, one of my all time favorite shows, on Scott TV a lot, and it's the only show that I insisted we watch the credit sequence every time. The music is appropriately dark and sweeping, and the images give it the sense of humor for which Zim is so well-loved.
4. Arrested Development. I'd call this the most successful use of voice over narration in a credit sequence. Come to think of it, Arrested also boasts the most successful use of voice over narration in general, matched only by The Wonder Years (which was edged out of this list but only barely). I like the aesthetic, the song, and the tone set by Ron Howard. I like everything about Arrested, so this is just one more thing to add to that list.
5. Animaniacs. Another theme sequence I have to watch every time, it's just so goofy, with great lyrics and a nice overview of what's coming.
6. Fear Itself. Fear Itself was a fairly unremarkable, though amusing Masters of Horror series a couple years back with so-so one-off episodes and a simply terrific theme by Serj Tankian of System of a Down. It's still what I remember most clearly.
7. Mystery Science Theater 3000. MST3K was smart enough to change the lyrics of its simple, cheery theme each time the characters changed. And it had perhaps the best lyric of any TV theme: "If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, just say to yourself, 'It's just a show, I should really just relax.'" Still rings true today.

And, naturally, the worst:

1. Full House. Granted, this is probably the theme song you can sing along with most accurately. Still, "Everywhere You Look" is a simply terrible song, made even worse by Danny Tanner & Co. mugging for the camera.
2. Family Matters. It's like the Full House theme with worse lyrics. Enough said.
3. America's Next Top Model. I guess I'd call this the most awesomely bad theme. Terrible song, awful Word Art-style text, and unflattering pictures of the models who are about to bitch for an hour? Bring it on. I can think of nothing more appropriate.
4. Two and a Half Men. I have never watched this show, but I've seen the beginning and the end, and I can safely say there is no theme song worse to have stuck in your head. Multi-camera sitcoms, with the exception of HIMYM, lose at theme sequences.
5. American Idol. By all accounts, American Idol is one of the most successful programs on television with one of the worst themes. I think it runs uncontested as the worst theme on television right now. Blue people? "Ah-ah?" Yeah, shut up.

And some theme sequences that aren't quite notable enough to make the list, but are almost there: Battlestar Galactica (best), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (best), Dollhouse (worst), Step By Step (worst), and X-Men: The Animated Series (best).

I like spending my time this way once in a while.